We laugh. Only so we don’t cry….

I have had a week! In fact it should be Week or WEEK to do it justice. My dear husband has been out of town and my mother-in-law and now my mother (who henceforth will be referred to as Saint Judie and Saint Gail) have been here to help me. If it weren’t for them, I would likely be curled up in the fetal position sucking my thumb. (But, the night is still young, so let’s not count that out just yet.) I told someone the other day that if I were writing a book, I would not have written about half the things that happened this week for fear that the readers would view them as implausible. But, no, they are instead, my reality. So, I’m choosing to laugh, because if I didn’t I’m certain I would cry.

We moved our kids into the same room a few weeks ago. Overall, it is going well, but when one of them wakes up, they’re both up. On Wednesday, I heard Evan calling for me just as I finished my shower. His call sounded unusually frantic. When I asked him what had happened, he said that Lauren had a dirty diaper that had gotten all over her crib. So, I wrapped a towel around myself and went to see what had happened.

Sure enough something was all over Lauren, her sheets, and her crib. I quickly grabbed Lauren, but I realized that I didn’t have anything to lay her on. So, I took off my towel and laid Lauren on it. At this point, I am "sans clothes" and attempting to change the blowout diaper with Evan dancing around asking frantic questions. I soon realize that our issue has nothing to do with the diaper – Lauren has thrown up. At this realization, I start gagging and Evan starts jumping on his bed to get away from “that stinky smell”.

Saint Judie must have heard all of the commotion, so she came upstairs to help. She knocked on the door and entered. At this point, I was relieved to see that the reinforcements had arrived. But, my relief was short-lived, because I also realized that I was without clothes. The next few seconds went like this:

C: Hold on a sec – I don’t have any clothes on…

SJ: (looking at me – confused) What?

C: I’m naked – I don’t have any clothes on.

SJ: (still looking at me – confused) What?

C: I DON’T HAVE ANY CLOTHES ON!

SJ: No you don’t! Sorry!

She quickly shut the door, I retrieved the towel, and our relationship went to a new level that I think we would both rather ignore.

That morning was the beginning of our endurance race with a stomach bug. I am currently the last man standing, but I don’t think the odds are stacked in my favor.

This morning, Saint Judie came down with the bug and Evan kept saying his stomach was upset. At this point, I hadn’t connected the episode with Lauren to Saint Judie, and I thought Evan was just pretending to have an upset stomach so he could stay at home with Grandma. We had a terrible time getting out the door this morning and I may or may not have told my whining three year old son to “man up” as we were trying to get out the door this morning. (Not my finest parenting moment, but I’m just keepin’ it real.)

Anyway, my disappointment in myself was exacerbated when I received a call from his preschool at 9:30 this morning that he had thrown up twice at school. So, I went to get Evan and the rest of our day involved some details that I’ll leave out of this blog post. But, most of it went like this:

E: (in the bathroom tossing his cookies) You're supposed to say "Good job Evan!"

C: Good job Evan....

E: (in the bathroom tossing his cookies)

C: (rubbing E’s back)

E: Stop touching me!

C: Okay, I was just trying to help….

E: (in the bathroom tossing his cookies)

C: (NOT in the bathroom rubbing his back)

E: Where are you? Why aren’t you in here?!?! I need you!

C: Okay, I was just trying to stay out of your way

E: Hold me... Stop touching me!

The highlight of my day so far was probably the hour I spent with our SpotBot trying to clean red Jello vomit out of our carpets. (Note to self: Next time, limit sick kids to color-free liquids, no matter how convincing their “my tummy’s all better” routine is.)

Saint Gail arrived tonight and at this point, the kids are outnumbered. I have a bathrobe and a bottle of Purel. I think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.